Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
