a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
