Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
