You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
