kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We left an ass print on the piano.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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