Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
