The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
