Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
