so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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