Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
