Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
