i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
