this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
