my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
