Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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