Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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