Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
