that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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