That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
