i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
