You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
