Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
