and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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