Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
