i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
