Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
