If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
