You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You are a genius and a whore.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
