my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
