i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
