I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
