I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
