Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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