Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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