Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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