Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
