closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
