I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
