who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Floor bacon is actually really good
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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