The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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