i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I need to sanitize my soul.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
