Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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