thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
