I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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