Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
