i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
