Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
