and she was petting her beer can
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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