Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
