Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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