His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
